Looking after everyone else and making sure that they are all happy has probably become second nature to you, just normal.
(Note the “second” nature …. not your first natural one).
This is having no boundary in place.
Putting other people’s first means that you’re teaching them that you come second. And what comes with this?
🤷♀️ Responsibility stops with you for stuff.
🤨 You’re the one doing everything.
🧐 You’re not getting any help and support.
🤯 You’re annoyed and upset.
😴 You’re exhausted.
You end up doing things that you don’t want to do, feeling guilted and obliged into doing it. Pulled by a need to please. Dragged into saying yes.
There’s a saying that goes “Everything that is on your plate right now, you have agreed to”.
You may not have come out and said yes, you may not have been directly asked to do things but you do them anyway. It’s just expected.
And it’s so annoying and upsetting for you. This weight of feeling like you have to.
To create a boundary and say no feels uncomfortable doesn’t it? It would feel mean and inconsiderate of them. And you’re a nice person. Causing discomfort in someone else just goes against the grain and you can’t do it.
You know, the surprising thing about creating boundaries is that it doesn’t create the negative consequences that you might expect. Not when you do it in an effective and calm way.
You’ll discover that people don’t mind at all if you’re clear on what’s ok for you and what’s not. Generally people think you’re ok with what you’re doing anyway. They have no idea of the distress it causes for you.
I wonder actually if they would be horrified to discover the effect on you? Most people do NOT want to hurt you or cause you discomfort.
On this basis it could be considered mean to not create a boundary, as you inadvertently are creating negative feelings for them too 😯.
When you create boundaries you also demonstrate to others how to do this too, if your struggle is around your kids then this is an essential learning for them. You wouldn’t want them to take on other people’s responsibilities would you?
Are you ready to get creating a powerful boundary? You can, get this, it’s FREE!
Let’s go! 😀