07889 651370 jan@janjames.co.uk

There’s a very good reason why you’re struggling to say no to the stuff that you don’t want to do. It’s an unconscious reason that you’re not aware of yet. This is why it’s so frustrating because you can’t see the solution.

Today I just wanted to share with you a little about the message that you’re unconsciously sending out. An invisible communication that other people are receiving (although they are probably not consciously aware of this.)

Communication is far more than the words that you speak. In fact words only amount to a small percentage of your total communication. 😯

The Majority is tone of voice, body language, minute facial movements and behaviour/action. Underlying this of course is an energy.

So when you agree to do things that you don’t want to do, you’re saying “YES!”. Inside might be a whole different story of resentment and anger and upset. But the action is a big fat yes! You’re saying “I agree to disrespect myself. I agree to doing something that’s going to make me feel miserable and annoyed”.

Other people receive this information as agreement, that you’re ok with it. 🧐.

Inside, your dialogue may run along the lines of “how dare they put on me like that” or “they don’t have any consideration for me” or “why do I have to do everything?”

If you agree to do something then you’re showing agreement to doing that thing.

If you do this once then in all likelihood they’ll ask you do to something again.

So what’s generating this behaviour of saying yes? A belief that you are less than others? That you have to please people or there will be consequences? Or maybe that if you do, they’ll like you, you’ll be acceptable in some way?

Maybe you do it to avoid the discomfort, an emotional disturbance that is very unpleasant?

Ooh hang on …. a feeling that’s unpleasant! Something that is within you and not being made by other people!

This must surely mean that you can do something to heal and resolve this feeling doesn’t it?

If that feeling wasn’t there and that inner dialogue about it wasn’t there, then there would be no problem and you could easily say no.

Stop giving a message that you’re willing to do what other people want, even if you don’t want to do it. A message that says I don’t feel good enough about me to say no to you.

What’s needed here is a boundary, that invisible line between you and them. A line that once created leaves you confident in your own space, and unwilling to put up with the things that make you feel bad.

Exciting thought isn’t it?

I’ve got just the thing, it’s FREE and you’ll be very glad you watched this!