07889 651370 jan@janjames.co.uk

You’ll have heard the standard remedy for dealing with the boss ….. imagine them naked 😳. Well, this may just give you a giggle or a feeling of horror, depending! But it doesn’t really help does it? A moment or two maybe but doesn’t resolve the feeling of dread, the nerves, not being able to express yourself properly etc.

What does work is something completely different. That is the understanding of what’s actually going on for you in this scenario.

It may well look like the boss is the problem, it’s something about them, their attitude or their power over your job, you may be surprised to learn though that the power over your feelings in this case is totally yours.

They’re just a person! They can’t possibly control what happens inside of you in response to them or anyone else. They can’t reach inside and move your feelings around to make you scared, intimidated or anything else, can they?

There’s something very interesting happening here inside of you that you won’t be aware of. And it all stems way way back to your dealings with other big people in your life, your parents!

Yeah, that old chestnut! 

Face to face with other “big people” in your adult life will have you shooting back there (emotionally and psychologically) to childhood.

This can happen with bosses, figures of authority such as doctors, solicitors, banks and even big organisations that you need to deal with.

So the feelings you experience today may not actually have any specific relevance to now, to this job, to this boss.

It’s like a trigger switch to uncomfortable emotions and patterns of response that you have learnt.

This would be why you end up feeling like you don’t know what to say, (you don’t you’re only 5), you struggle to express yourself or you’re frightened of invisible and awful consequences if you speak out (you may be punished).

This is just an unconscious pattern of doing things that can easily be resolved. Just the knowing of this process can be enough to shift things slightly.

If you want to resolve this and find out more fascinating insights as to how you can change your emotions and responses in work or any area of your life, you can work one to one with me here: