Amy’s sister was having a really hard time at home. Her husband was unpredictable and angry and she became fearful of asking him for anything. She had a beauty treatment that she wanted to go to but was so afraid to ask him for use of the car. She didn’t need to go, it was something she could have rescheduled. But she turned to Amy for help.
In understanding her sisters need, she felt sorry for her and her situation so agreed to take her. Her empathy towards her sister at that point and her unwillingness to upset her caused her to ignore the objections that were rising in herself. The inconvenience this would cause her, the discomfort and change of plans that would leave her running late and stressed over things she needed to do.
It would also mean her young son wouldn’t be able to go to nursery, something he loved. It would mean the surprise she had planned for her own husband would be put on hold as she wouldn’t have time to implement it.
Still she said yes.
45 minutes of driving and no parking spaces meant driving around after dropping her sister off. Eventually finding space and sitting in a car for 2 hours with a bored 4 year old in the back.
The resentment and stress was rising.
“How could she be so inconsiderate, what about my plans?” She thought. “Sitting here, waiting when I have things to do just because she wants a beauty treatment.”
“Why should she even have to ask to use their own car? He wouldn’t have had a problem with it. Yes he can be awkward sometimes but he’s never stopped her doing stuff like this. She just didn’t want to speak to him because they’re in an argument.”
“It’s because she didn’t want to speak to him that she’s put this on me. And here I am just sat here waiting and waiting when I have things I wanted to do. My son should be at nursery having a nice time but instead is sat stuck in a car for hours on end.”
By the time her sister came back to the car, Amy was so angry and resentful that she was fighting back tears. She had to drive home, while raging inside, the tension was palpable.
Then it burst, the intense emotion and resentment, and a row ensued of how inconsiderate her sister had been and how it made her feel.
More discomfort, more pain and more upset between them.
Amy was driven by a need to please, to help, to nurture. This is a good thing, sometimes. But not when you override your own needs. The consequences then become painful.
It’s ok to say “No”, in fact it’s essential that you can when you need to. Learning to not feel the intense need to please or to help is important for your own well being. You can see from Amy’s story that if you don’t do this it creates more pain in the long run.
Families are a particular culprit of not being able to say no, the emotional bonds pull you into something you don’t want to do. Close friends also can do this.
Don’t you just wish you could say “NO” comfortably and without the confrontation? Well, the news is that you can and I’ll teach you how in this wonderful masterclass.
It’s time to stand in your own power so that you can take control of what you do and what you don’t do 😀. Have a little look here: